Have you ever experienced a full circle moment that leaves you in awe, and you can’t help but wonder how the heck you got there? Sure, you can vaguely put together bits and pieces, but you struggle to believe you’re actually there. During the 2005 Stanford commencement speech, Steve Jobs famously said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” So, let’s take a trip down story lane and connect some dots on how a Korean drama accidentally set me on the path to becoming a competitive fencer at the age of 29.
Before we begin, this is a journal entry post for me, but selfishly, I hope my experience can nudge you along the direction that your intuition has been secretly guiding you. To inspire is too strong of an action, but I hope my journey can give you a little courage to pursue that something that you’ve been thinking about and begin your next adventure.
Collapsible Table of Contents for your ease of jumping to conclusions.
- Dot 1: The Breeze of Fate – February 2022
- Dot 2: Kismet Much? – May 2022
- Dot 3: A Message From The Universe – December 2022
- Dot 4: The Destiny Machine – January 2023
- Dot 5: Experienced Fencing Class – April 2023
- Dot 6: Training like the main character – July 2023
- Dot 7: Uniform in White – August 2023
- Dot 8: The Invitation – September 2023
- Dot 9: The Panic – October 2023
- Dot 10: The Competition – November 2023
- Dot 11: Not The End
- Dot 12: The Conclusion
Dot 1: The Breeze of Fate – February 2022
If you asked me at eighteen what I’d be doing at twenty-eight, I’d probably say, “I don’t know? Married? With kids?” If you can hear my voice, you’ll undoubtedly detect the unsureness.
After all, I couldn’t possibly foresee I’d be taking myself to extra-curriculars like skateboarding, fencing, and ballet instead of taking a child. Well, at least for fencing, it all started on one faithful day in the spring of 2022 when I clicked on the thumbnail of an unassuming Korean drama titled “Twenty-Five Twenty-One,” which I’ll shorten to 2521.
When clicking open a new show to learn more, Netflix sometimes does the content dirty by playing a random snippet of the show instead of a dedicated trailer. 2521 was a victim of that – I distinctively remember being greeted by a scene of an open umbrella dropping to the floor in slow motion beside a girl caught in a storm. I rolled my eyes and quickly clicked out.
Dot 2: Kismet Much? – May 2022
Several months passed, and similar to many other days, I had nothing to watch and needed to eat. I stumbled back to 2521 and clicked play despite knowing nothing about the show other than the first cringe impression. I live life on the edge like that.
Nine days, fourteen episodes later, I freaking loved the show. I cackled, teared up, and lived through all the emotions in between. I went in expecting a generic K-drama focused on love, and it surprised me with a rich backstory set in the late 90s, right amid the IMF crisis, where a coming-of-age story around love, friendship, the struggles of life, self-identity, and sustaining a passion for fencing unfolded. I highly recommend it; you don’t need any knowledge of fencing to enjoy the show.
Dot 3: A Message From The Universe – December 2022
Summer and fall flew by. I was busy soaking up the sun before the winter blues came again, making new friends, and immersing fully in the world of skateboarding. Which, come to think of it, was also inspired by a show, but we’ll connect those dots another time.
By the end of the year, I always fall into a panic about wasting the year and fear I’d do the same for the incoming year. To avoid being a wasted youth (not exactly a youth at the age of 28, but you know what I mean), I started an accountability group with friends and brainstormed goals for 2023. One thing led to another, the goal category of “Learning something new/Having new experiences” inspired me to look at community center classes.
Just like that, I discovered my local community center offered fencing classes. Having already been exposed to fencing through 2521 and Wednesday (remember that iconic scene?), the curious cat was already out of the bag; I promptly put myself on the waitlist and went on my merry way.
Dot 4: The Destiny Machine – January 2023
Five days before the class began, someone dropped out, and I was next in line on the waitlist. Little did I know, the cogs of the destiny machine were starting to turn.
I don’t remember much of the eight-week beginner class, just that I was ecstatic to be holding a sword, and I felt so, so, so badass. For the entirety of the class, we focused on non-electric foil fencing; it’s one of the three branches of fencing where a point is scored on the torso. We also worked on footwork drills, basic attacks, and counterattacks. I was more than impressed by the quality of the class and thoroughly enjoyed every session. It wasn’t until much later that I learned our coach regularly competes and referees tournaments throughout Ontario. In other words, we were training with a fencing veteran, and it was amazing!
In the last class, all the students hooked up to an Épée sword; we had a mini-Olympics, and I had my first taste of being in a fencing competition.
Storytime within Storytime
Holding the mask in my left hand, I lifted the sword vertically in front of my face with my right hand and saluted the opponent standing just behind the on-guard line; she saluted back. Collectively, we turned to our right and repeated the gestures to the coach who refereed the match and the rest of the class who stood watching. Fencing is theatrical like that, and I love it.
“En garde!” The ref called out, holding out both hands, and we promptly put on our masks and adopted the fencing stance with our arms bent at a ninety-degree angle, swords pointed forward.
“Prêts?” The ref called out again to ensure our readiness, and my heart began to race.
“Oui!” We exclaimed, and I heard the blood rushing through my ears.
“Allez!” With a wave of the hand, the match began, and my body welcomed the adrenaline.
I wish I could recall the scoring or what happened, but it’s all a blur now. I only remembered the pure joy of scoring a point, pumping my left hand into a fist as a quick celebration before heading back to the on-guard line to prepare for the next bout. All the while, I heard blood rushing past my ears, my increased heartbeat, and my quickened breaths inside my mask. It was a competition of two, with audiences watching and cheering. Yet, inside my mask, it was just me, myself, and I. The last time I felt this way about a competition, I stood on the diving block of my high school’s pool – The moment the whistle blew, I sprang into the water. The audience-filled room that was noisy and chaotic would turn mute underwater, leaving me to find a moment of peace amidst all the chaos to hear my exhales and heartbeat; that was over a decade ago.
We pulled off our masks at the end of the five-point bouts, saluted each other, and shook hands. When I tried to detach myself from the wires, my hands trembled; I was on adrenaline overload, and I’ve been a junkie who’s been chasing that high ever since.
Dot 5: Experienced Fencing Class – April 2023
A year after I rolled my eyes at 2521, I eagerly awoke at seven in the morning to sign up on registration day for the seven-week program of the experienced fencing class. In this set of classes, we focused on Épée fencing, also known as the slowest form of fencing due to its heavy blade. In Épée, the entire body is a valid target, with no accounts of right of way. In other words, it’s a free-for-all fencing form, and it’s just the way I like it.
The experienced class started early in the morning with two hours of complimentary drop-in sessions after class. I went from casually fencing one hour a week to three hours, all in one day.
In the first drop-in session, I eagerly and anxiously waited on the bench with borrowed equipment from the program. I watched as experienced fencers called on each other and had flashbacks of high school, where team captains picked their favourites to join their teams. In reality, it’s not like that at all. I just felt awkward because it’s a new group that I’m looking to join, and luckily, in the social world of adults, almost everyone is friendly.
It didn’t take long before I excitedly recounted to Ben about all the bouts during the drop-in sessions and the various fencers I got to know and learn from. I’d plop down to the on-guard stance on our walks and show him the new attacks I learned that week; it was clear I was becoming more and more engaged with fencing as each week passed.
Before the experienced class wrapped up, Coach asked if I planned on joining the upcoming summer session. With a mysterious undertone, he revealed that it would be a special training camp for experienced fencers, and I promptly said, “Say no more. I’m in.”
Dot 6: Training like the main character – July 2023
The summer class consisted of a handful of experienced fencers from the drop-in sessions who belonged to the town’s fencing club and classmates from the previous class. The instructor promised a special training camp and a special training camp he delivered.
Every week, we focused 80% of the class on footwork drills and 20% on learning new techniques. In theory, you wouldn’t think 3 minutes of footwork drills with 30 seconds of rest in between would be too taxing, but the smartwatch on my wrist doesn’t lie when it tells me my heart rate maxed at 176 per minute and sits at 145 beats per minute on average through the class. I felt like I was Naruto training for his Rasengan, and Na Hee Do in 2521 training with her fencing team every time I pushed myself to keep up with the drills. I was training like the main character, and I was all for it.
Dot 7: Uniform in White – August 2023
How does one get fencing uniforms and equipment? Apparently, through an email address. It killed me a little when I couldn’t browse online and try to score a deal; the major fencing supplier sites only shipped to the US, and I didn’t feel comfortable or knowledgeable enough to shop second-hand. At last, I surrendered my wallet, as well as my measurements, and hoped the contact Coach provided would send me the right fit.
$750 later, with some buyer’s remorse, I now happily enjoy my very own uniform and mask that’s filled with no one else’s stink but my own.
Dot 8: The Invitation – September 2023
The summer training camp flew by, and by September, another round of classes began. I was no longer the awkward new fencer sitting on the bench waiting to be picked; I had my group of regular fencers to match against and discuss which technique’s been working and which hasn’t. I no longer begin the match with “I’m new and not very good, so please bear with me.” In replacement, I received compliments on my progression, especially for someone with only eight months of fencing experience.
Ah. The external validations. While I basked in the fluffiness of the compliments, I also tried desperately to stay level-headed. After all, winning drop-in bouts means nothing; it’s all about continuous training and improvements – a sentiment I learned the hard way.
One day after class, I asked Coach if he could start a separate footwork drill class since that was a sure way for beginner fencers to improve. Selfishly, I also really needed a coach to train with me because I would never do anything on my own; my self-motivation could only go so far.
Coach said he would think about it, and then asked a question that changed my relationship with fencing for good.
“I’m putting together a women’s team for the club, and I’m thinking it would be a great experience for you. Have you thought about competing?” Coach said.
“Are you sure you want me on the team?!” I managed to blurt out. I came to ask for extra training and walked away with an invitation to join a fencing team. What?!
I went home that day feeling like I was on cloud nine; it was a weird feeling of fullness in the heart, combined with the urge to hold back a cry. The world can be so gray and mundane at times once we’ve grown, and it’s emotions like this that remind me of all the good things that come with being alive. I deeply treasure them, and I wish for you to experience the same. This is your sign to take that step to begin that thing that’s been on your mind!!
Dot 9: The Panic – October 2023
Whenever something good happens, I can always count on my survival brain to kick in and temper the maximum amount of happiness I’m allowed to feel; God forbid I get too happy and let my guard down to allow pain to get a chance at me. I spent the rest of the week pondering why I was invited, and how the invitation probably meant nothing.
In all my doom and gloom, the drop-in session the week before the competition was one of the worst sessions I had. I started with a match of 5-15, followed by a 3-15, and 0-15. I sat on the bench feeling the sting in my eyes, and tried to hold back the waterworks. Internally, I was panicking and spiralling, wondering how I was going to compete the following week.
“Hey, you want to fence?” A fencer asked.
“Finally,” I thought, “I will have a good match. Our scores are normally very close, 14-15 or 15-14 depending on the week. Maybe it will break me out of this rut.”
Lo and behold, the match ended at 8-15, with me on the losing end.
“I only did one thing differently,” He said, noticing my slumped shoulders.
“What is it?” I asked, holding back the urge to cry again.
“I fenced passively and waited for you to attack.”
That was the first time I realized my weakness in fencing – I’m all muscle with little tactics. I scoffed at the passivity fencing style like it was inferior when really, passivity is the disguise of an effective defense. Each time I was behind in the score, I found myself attacking faster and faster as if I were a slow Sabre fencer. Instead, I should patiently wait to create an opportunity as opposed to brute forcing a result that opens me up for mistakes. The things that fencing teaches me!!
I learned a much-needed lesson that day that proved true in each competition I attended for the following month, and it quickly became evident it was something I needed to focus on in the long run. Sure, it was one of the worst sessions I had thus far, but maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.
Dot 10: The Competition – November 2023
I awoke at 4 in the morning on the first weekend in November, having barely slept, and started the three-hour journey to Kingston with one of my teammates.
We stopped at McDonald’s, where all champions get their breakfast, and I couldn’t help but feel a trace of fate’s presence as I made my way to Kingston. Who knew I’d be back so soon? (Call back to the last post – Stop 25 Downtown Kingston, Ontario)
As I stepped onto the playing strip, the same feeling of being hooked up to electrical foils in the beginner class flooded my senses. Looking back through the projector of my mind, the matches happened at lightning speed, and it’s all a blur in my memory. Yet, during the moment, time felt slow, and I could hear the blood rushing past my ears with each thumping of my quickened heartbeat.
A 3-minute bout for five points felt like 15 minutes at least. How wired up was I, you ask? I got a yellow card warning for being too jittery on the on-guard line because I couldn’t stand still…Thanks to my teammates and the terrible drop-in session I had the week before, I was more patient than my usual go, go, go style. We ended up winning 2/3 matches in pools. We didn’t know then, but our first match was against the Bronze medalist team from last year, and that was the only match we lost at 19-45, seeding us to the 10th place.
I felt completely satisfied and utterly exhausted when we finished the pool matches, and as I rested and waited for the next round, I thought, “It wouldn’t be so bad to go home now.”
I was wrong.
After pools came direct eliminations, and we matched against the team seeded second. As we struggled against the opponents, I realized we’d be going home after the round, and I made a note that no exhaustion felt as bad as being defeated and eliminated with regrets. Hence, I should always keep pushing to do the best I can, no matter how exhausted I feel during the moment.
In the end, we placed lucky number 13 out of 23 teams. Not bad, not bad at all, if I may say so myself, especially for a last-minute cobbled-up team comprised of two novice fencers and a Foilist competing in Épée for the first time as a substitute for an injured teammate. As our team’s anchor, the Foilist faced immense pressure and carried us through tough matches, and I felt immensely grateful to have the opportunity to participate in such a team event! What a great first experience to tournaments!
The tournament life is filled with sunrises, sunsets, and loads and loads of breakfasts!
Dot 11: Not The End
Within three weeks of entering my first team competition, I added two additional individual competitions under my belt, placing 37/67 and 8/23 in the Senior Women’s Épée tournaments.
I may be wrapping up the season with no medals, but I have enough self-compassion to know I’m ending the season with more than I could ever anticipate – I tried something new, made new friends and memories, and applied myself in ways I never imagined. It might sound like loser talk that I’m not a winner in fencing, but I do feel a sense of fullness in my current day-to-day. For that, I am satisfied for the moment. And hey, if I keep this up, maybe I’ll win in the Veteran’s category one day for fencers over 40 years old. Maybe?
Dot 12: The Conclusion
“Things never seem to make sense at the time, but eventually they will, for better or for worse” is my take on Steve Jobs’s famous Stanford quote.
When I try to connect the dots looking backwards, I’m dumbfounded by the turn of events, and I’m truly bewildered by how life unfolds itself at times. I couldn’t tell you where I was going when living in the moment of dot 1, but with each step along the way, one dot after another, without knowing, I scattered so many of them around me. When I turn and look back from afar, I see the dots illuminating like fireflies in the summer night, igniting a path that went previously unnoticed but managed to take my breath away when lit up. I still trudge through the present moment with little direction and knowledge of the future, but I’m positive somewhere further down the timeline, I’ll look back and realize, “Ah, that’s where I was headed.” Those are the enlightening moments I live for, and I encourage you to take the plunge and put that first dot on the map. You may not know it now, but you will find it looking back, and things will make that much more sense.
You got this!
Kate Lsy
Kate LSY 
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